At Step 6 my sponsor read to me from the Big Book 'are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?' And after having made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself and admitted to God, to myself and to another human being, my sponsor, the exact nature of my wrongs. It was absolutely 'YES.'
Getting down to the causes and conditions of my alcoholism was an exciting thing for me. To find out what was wrong with me, that my defects of character were at the forefront of my alcoholism. That my anger at the world, it's people, places, things and institutions caused my own misery. Finding and facing these defects of character, although sometimes differcult and hard to swallow, brought true freedom and happiness to my life at long last. Why would I want to hang onto them?
I had changed so much in just a few weeks by really throwing myself into Alcoholics Anonymous. By trying to be of service to my homegroup and to newcomers. I loved reading my Big Book and the Just For Today Card and tried my hardest to do the things on it. I spoke to my sponsor every day, was honest with him and sought his experience and guideance. I started to act and talk differently, I had to. To move away from my old habits and behaviours and into new ones resulted in life taking on a whole new meaning. It was electric.
So at Step six, when my sponsor asked if I were willing to let go of my defects of character it was a simple 'YES.' Thier destructiveness was obvious. So I then took Step 7 using the prayer from the Big Book. (p76)
Two days later I had my first resentment, it came as a surprise so I told my sponsor immediately. He told me that it was my defects of character that were causing my pain and I should take inventory on the matter straight away. I remember thinking and asking that hadn't I done that two days earlier. The truth was and still is that I had made a beginning on a lifetime job. To try my best to make progress in the building of character is something I need to be willing to work towards with the help of a Higher Power.
Today I still grow towards that ideal and take inventory daily. Firstly because I have to, but also because I want to. I continue to mature and grow in AA and enjoy the freedom, happiness and excitement it brings. For that I am eternally grateful.
RtR, Plymouth, July 2009