A Full and Complete Solution – A Changed Man
Throughout the 20 years of my living hell of alcohol use my family repeatedly stated that all they wanted was for me to stop drinking so that they could have there old son back. What they did not or could not understand was that the drink was just a symptom of the disease of my alcoholism and that I was a deeply unhappy and mixed up kid before and without drink. Today the wisdom of my sponsor and literature available I know that I always was an outright mental defective.
I never felt like I really fitted in anywhere, family and friends seamed distant and though occasionally I believed people to be better than me, most of the time I considered myself to be a superior being.This was the crux of the problem for me, why would I listen to anyone else who wanted to help me when I knew best, after all “isn’t reliance on other people a sign of weakness”? That’s what northern men folk told me as child, wasn’t it.
After carrying on this trend until the age of 35, I know members of my home group still find it difficult to believe that I am now aged 42 , I started to grasp the concept, which my parents and others had told me for years, that my attitude and behaviour was appalling and that it was me who needed to change, not the rest of the world and that “I was the problem” all along.
My Arrival into AA coincided with another period of abstinence from drink, but with the experience of the past 35 years behind me I knew that the time would arrive when my distorted thinking would kick in and I would convince myself that a drink would be a great idea and therefore solve some usually supposed crises in my life.
The explanation in the doctors opinion that alcoholism was a disease of a two fold nature, an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind, cleared up a number of puzzling questions for me. It was this identification with the basic text of AA, my sponsor and other members of our AA home group that proved to be the vital ingredient in my recovery, in his words “ I was no longer selling myself short” Benefits from the guidance and experience of my sponsor have been a fantastic experience in all areas of my life.
My home group continues to grow in both numbers and experience. Its continued focus on sponsorship, the 12 steps, the 12 traditions and service at group and a wider fellowship level has provided me with “a full and complete solution” and as a result of the spiritual awakening promised to me I am now a changed man.