I Felt it Was Normal

My name is Chris W and I am an alcoholic

My story starts from when I was a child I grew up in London around domestic violence and my dad was an aggressive alcoholic. I used to get beaten by him, so that has always affected me. My school life was not good as I was constantly bullied and felt that I was an outcast and didn’t fit in. I started hanging around with a group older then me and looked up to them. I ended up getting involved with crime from a young age and never really had an education.

I eventually got introduced to alcohol and from then it lit me up and completely changed the way that I felt, although at that age I felt that it was the normal thing to do. From then on I would continue to drink on and off and by the age of 16 I was drinking every day. But yet again I felt that this was normal. This would continue to progress into my late 20s and I still didn’t know what I suffered from. But this did not stop me as I would continue to drink and to change the way that I felt. I would drink if I was happy or even if I was sad but there was no stopping me.

I got married in my early 20s and had a child to try to help me cut down or even stop drinking. But I found myself putting drink before everything in my life. I would constantly try to end my life as I could not go on the way I was going. I eventually noticed that there was a problem and tried to seek help. I went to the local alcohol services in London and said to the worker that I needed help as I was going to kill myself – whether from alcohol or suicide. An application for rehab was made.

I got the thumbs up to go to rehab and I should have been happy. But I continued to drink more then ever. I ended up in Plymouth in April 2017 and went into rehab. During my time there I thought that I had conquered the urge to drink. I was introduced to AA during my time in treatment but I was not interested. When I got out of treatment I relapsed straight away. I went around fellowships but was not interested pretending to do the Steps. I would not be honest and by that time I ended up picking up again, still failing to accept that I was an alcoholic. I tried to be that normal drinker but that quickly spiralled out of control.

I knew I could not go on like this and eventually I came back to AA drained by alcohol, mentally and emotionally and got myself a sponsor after admitting defeat. I started going through the Steps and was honest for the first time in my life. I started to brighten up after doing what I was told for once. And that was by doing simple suggestions on a daily basis.

As of today I am able to be a better son and father and be there for my family and not to have any urge to drink. It’s amazing. I am grateful to AA for saving my life and the guidance from my sponsor. I know I need to continue to be honest and work the Steps on a daily basis. I know that I will never have to drink again and that is an amazing feeling.

Chris W,
Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth