Isolation and structure!

My name is Matthew and I am an alcoholic.

Before coming to Alcoholic anonymous I lived in fear , blackout and isolation.

I drank in darkened rooms alone, I push family , friends and well intentioned good doers away. I had fear around people , shop assistants , making telephone calls and any form of conversation or conflict. My drinking escalated were I became so far removed from reality I lived in constant blackout isolation. I had no structure to my day , I woke up either drunk , hung over or dreading the consequences of the days before. My life had no path , no structure just self centre fear , wrapped with resentment and self pity.

After getting to an AA meeting I was given a daily plan of action , wake up and pray for a sober day , review my gratitude list , read the big book , call new comers like me. Call my sponsor on time, pray for a sober day , read the big book and a gratitude list. After doing these few simple suggestions I woke up , i felt some hope , I started to recognise my alcoholism and reading the big book educated me around the disease I suffered with.

I had a structured day , I set my alarm in the morning and went to bed at the same time nearly every night. I had something to do . I commit myself to aa and my home group ,attending three meetings a week. I had a purpose .
I worked the steps and now live on the last three.

I still maintain my sobriety by sticking to the simple suggestion and structure my sponsor gave me. I keep it simple , I stick close to my home group meetings and will attend other meetings if only for the new comer . I take longer doing my suggestion if need be.

At this current time , I know I need to maintain my sobriety by keeping structure, setting that alarm , keeping it simple, taking longer on my suggestion and developing my relationship with my higher power. Reaching out to the the new comer the best way I can.

I know longer fear the company of others or myself.

My gratitude for AA and my home group only lyes with the actions I put in to it.

Matthew W, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth, May 2020