Just Underneath is a Deadly Earnestness
Step 1 for me, was the best thing that happened to me. I was broken by alcoholism after a long battle of trying to get sobriety in my life. I needed to listen to another alcoholic, who was to guide me through the 12 steps of AA. What ever my Sponsor says, I just do it. Sometimes I am more willing to listen than others (I am not perfect) – but I know my Sponsor is always right.
I have never been a person to wear a dress really, but it was suggested to me to smarten up for meetings and service. I did not like it at first, but I thought about how I would always dress up for a club and just applied the same principle. I don’t really care what day it is, I smarten up on a Tuesday or a Friday. I treat it the same as when I would go partying any night of the week.
At every meeting I put my hand up when the secretary opens it for sharing off the floor. Whether I get picked or not, I deal with it – I have the tools. Passing the message through a share is one part of the meeting. What about getting to your home group early, smartening up or picking something up off the floor? Anything you do in or out of meetings is passing the message in all our affairs.
A newcomer wants to hear a message, not how we drink. I am responsible for my group. So, therefore I have to share about my recovery and the solution, which is Sponsorship, 12 Steps, Basic Text and suggestions. I am an observer at Intergroup and at my home group I get involved in everything. I take responsibility for my home group. I take it very seriously, because how I am and how I react can cause harm to a newcomer or my home group.
I have to do ‘Step 10’s’. I can get resentful but it is how I deal with it that affects everything and the way I feel. I have to work this programme to the best of my ability. Whatever is happening in my life, this is the main thing in my life. I do service because I am here to help the newcomer. If I am asked to do service, no question, I say yes. Today I am sponsorable. I am willing to go to any lengths in my recovery, as I would have done for drink. I have tools; I don’t have to pick up a drink to feel comfortable.
Because I have grown up in AA, I work, go to college and I get to go places today. But I know that it is clearly AA and my home group that has given me everything that I have been looking for all my life. I just have to maintain it today and keep up my responsibilities.
Diana L., Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth