Life on Mars
I wanted to share my experience of something which I see very differently today to when I took the steps almost 24 years ago.
I don't believe that my experience is uncommon. I would say that it's a necessary crossroads along the road of spiritual growth. Unfortunately so many people arrive at this junction only to find its a step to far and drop out.
Year after year, share after share this is how it is, this is what I've done. My whole philosophy of AA shaped and sculptured by my experience. Most if not all of which has been indescribable wonderful.
Rocketed from bad to good there is more certainty in black and white, more security in right or wrong. These principles have been the spiritual armour in which I have marched meeting after meeting, year after year.
These qualities served me well right up to the moment they became a liability. When you've been living in a world of black and white, good and bad, right and wrong, the fall to the black changes everything!
How do you face the OTHERS, how do you continue to speak the way that you always have, the way that seemed to of helped so many? The road at this junction seems to be crumbling beneath you.
Why MOST people turn and run at this point, either to the bottle or to the door is obvious. The carpeted road pulled out from under and your whole philosophy in doubt.
Can I walk through humiliation with grace? Can I march through pain with dignity? Can I survive the very things which only existed in the minds of the mistaken? This part of the road is only for the brave.
With an arm around my shoulder or a boot up my ass, my sponsor has kept me trying to take the next appropriate action, to be an honest, upright and productive member of society.
So just keep marching and try to be the best example of Alcoholics Anonymous that you can be. It may not always be a good one. We just need to do the best we can.
Old-timers are old-timers because they have continued to take the action when others wouldn't. So keep walking.