My Step 9 Train

I’m Ciaran and I’m an alcoholic,
Step 9 was a game-changer for me, the relief and gratitude I had on the train back to Plymouth after making my first five amends was something I had never felt before!
I made my first five amends and all had gone well, my dad said he had not seen me like this in 15 years, I’m 30 years old, my mum was just so happy I was sober and in her words “normal”.
My nan and grandad were very important amends for me to make as they felt the full effect of my alcoholism, this is a family disease and it left the people closest to me emotionally drained and destroyed, at the end of my drinking my grandad was having to give me my vodka to get me through the day, it was too dangerous to stop drinking until I had a professional detox. Making amends to my nan and grandad was huge for me and I keep that amends going each day by staying sober, showing I’ve changed and let them have their peace of mind back, my family no longer have to visit me in hospitals or wait for the call that says I’ve been found dead. When I made an amends to my sister (who is 14 years old) she just said “Oh don’t worry that’s ok” I explained my behaviour was not right and was horrible and asked for forgiveness. Step 9 was the one that did it for me, in all honesty, it blew step 4 out the water, but that’s me and my experience, other alcoholics may find it different but ill say it again… step 9 is the one! If your writing your amends now or are just about to start making them, with guidance from your sponsor just go for it and don’t hang about. I kind of felt rushed into it but I now know it was for the best and my sponsor knew what he was talking about, I still have amends to make and will until the day I nod off for the last time, this program works! the 12 steps are unbelievable and I can’t praise it enough.
Ciaran, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth.

November 2020