The Importance of Honesty
Being an alcoholic, dishonesty comes easy to me I am dishonest to the core. As many will say from a young age I would lie and steal from family and friends. I would never care how they would feel from my lying about other family members, especially if it would make me look good. I would steal from my stepmother, even to her last bit of money out of her purse. As I got older my lies continued, it even contributed to the break up my dad’s second marriage with other family members trying to stand up for me. However, slowly people no longer trusted a word I said, although one family member believed in me long after others had given up with me. I then found alcohol and the lies and dishonesty became a large part of my life so I could get a drink. The one person I had left that believed in me was now struggling with my drinking and dishonesty – although she stood my me and made me her life’s work to try and sort me out.
A few years later when I believed I hit a rock bottom and was in trouble with alcohol I came to Alcoholics Anonymous and asked a person to sponsor me who would take me thorough the program of AA. The only person I had to be honest with was this sponsor. This I failed miserably, when doing my step 4 and 5 I was not totally honest with him and missed out a lot of information. I eventually stopped talking to him due to my dishonesty. I forgot what it had been like when I first came in and felt that I no longer needed him or my home group. Due to this thinking I left my home group and I drank again. In a matter of days whilst drinking, I knew I was in deep trouble again and I knew I had to get back to my home group and get back and give my life to the program, as the Big Book states "half measures availed us nothing". I had to drastically change my thinking, and change my thoughts and attitude. My first change was to change sponsors. My first sponsor was a really good person who to this day lives life to the full. However as I now know I lacked in my Step 1, which evidently had a large contribution for not being honest with him. So I asked someone who had few more year’s sobriety than the first sponsor and who I could relate to more. When I completed my step 4 and 5 with my new sponsor I was totally honest and I found I was no longer afraid to share my darkest secrets. Today I continue to be honest with that one person and I am living an honest life, and have become happy, joyous and free. I also know if I maintain my faith in my higher power I will never need to pick up a drink again.
Jim, Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth