Trudging the Road at 20

When writing my step 4 out I wrote my resentments, who they were at, what they affected and my defects of character. When reading my step 4 out to my sponsor (step 5) she told me; the reason my defects of character occurred was because my personal relations, ambitions, security, pride were threatened.

It was then I realised that my behaviour was out of proportion and my illness was in control of me. These defects are part of my alcoholism, and I knew I must be rid of these things as they were affecting my relationships with my friends, school, family members and the way I interacted in the world. I was sick of treating people the way I was and how I was reacting to the world, I wanted to change as I was miserable.

So, I was willing to let God take away my defects of character (step 6) because they block me off from being useful to others, in and outside of Alcoholics anonymous, which is fundamentally what keeps me sober.

For example, Maybe I’m resentful at my friends because they aren’t acting ‘cool’ enough, and then no one will like me! But that is my self-centred fear and arrogance… and a couple more defects. But I can simply ask my higher power to remove these at once (step 10).
The example I gave above is the basis of most of my resentments and commonly appears in my step 11 at night when I review my day. So, this leads me every morning to ask my higher power to grant me the willingness to let go of my defects (step 6). I continue to ask my higher power to do it for me because I can’t be rid of these defects on my own will.

My past drinking shows this. I wanted to stop drinking, I wanted to be a better person, but my own philosophies didn’t work.
But God provides me with what I need. Potentially he provides me with a resentment or a person I need to grow more tolerant toward. Now I think that God is putting these people in my path to teach me lessons to help me grow. My defects also remind me that I will never be cured of this thinking, and I need to keep relying on my higher power, in turn bringing more peace and light in my life.

Today I can put the bat down a little more often for acting on my defects because I am exactly where my higher power wants me to be even when I make mistakes because today, I am growing in understanding and effectiveness.

For me, steps 6 and 7 are to be prayed for daily as my defects will be there for the rest of my life, but I know from more experienced members they will keep lessening if I keep praying for the willingness to let go and asking God to remove them.

Coming into sobriety at 17 is the best thing i have ever done. I’m now 20 and 2 and a half years sober which is all because of the; 12-steps, my sponsor, my higher power, service and my home group. Which has led me to some peace and freedom to be myself today without needing alcohol and substances. I’m TRUDGING the road to a happy destiny and I thank God every day for that.

Issy G, Road to Recovery, Plymouth, March 2026