Why Can’t I Drink Responsibly?
The last few years of my drinking was plagued with this thought. I was fortunate enough to have remained in employment had a wife and family and from the outside everything appeared to be normal, the truth was far different.
Alcohol had been the only thing that had given me peace from feelings of restlessness, anger, fear, and discontent; it relieved the pressure and allowed me to function. But now my “medication” for living life was ruining my life and the lives of those around me.
I had lost the ability to control or regulate my drinking.
My thinking always told me that it was acceptable to drink, why not, everyone was doing it, I worked, I provided for my family it was my right to have a beer or two.
Unfortunately it was never a beer or two, I always had to finish the job, reach that oblivion where all the negative thinking and the world and it’s people no longer bothered me.
The question of why do I keep getting drunk always came following yet another failed attempt to drink responsibly, the fear would sober me for a while but I would have to do it again and again Life was just to painful. The day came though when the consequences and the feelings of complete defeat came –thank God. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
I arrived at my first meeting of AA- the room was full of happy, smiling people. There was a buzz as they flocked around the new prospect. I sat and listened to their shares “Get a Sponsor” “Get a Big Book” “Work the steps”. I also heard the answer to that question that had been baffling me.
It was described as a “phenomenon of craving” others described it as an allergy to alcohol. It finally made sense; I was no longer alone these people knew me and I identified with them. After the meeting I approached the secretary and asked for a temporary sponsor and it was suggested that I buy a copy of “Alcoholics Anonymous” –this was the Big Book they had all been talking about. I read that evening the Doctor’s Opinion where it talked about this craving .It said it was a manifestation of an allergy and never occurs in the normal temperate drinker. I knew at that point I could never drink safely again.
How was I going to do that? In fact it turned out to be easy. I began taking the actions as suggested by my sponsor, I got in to good habits early. My sponsor guided me through the 12 steps and from that first meeting to this day I have not felt the need to take a drink. More importantly however my life has been transformed; I can live and work in the world comfortably. Those defects have been significantly reduced and I live today a free man.
Thanks to AA I have been given a way of living through the teachings and practicing of spiritual principles. I have a life today that I can enjoy as long as a "follow a few simple rules". I am approaching my 4th sober birthday and am excited about the future.
I sincerely hope that you are also experiencing the great joys of the AA way of life- I have experienced a Spiritual Awakening and been rocketed into the fourth dimension, I am living in the Sunlight of the Spirit. These were promises made to me from day 1 and wow have they come true.
Mike M, Road to Recovery Group Plymouth, 2011