From Chaos to Clarity: My Journey to Sobriety

As a youngster, I always felt like I didn’t quite fit in, and I often wondered how other people seemed to make such easy-going work of life. When I took a drink at the age of 12, all the fears and uncertainties I had simply evaporated. I felt relaxed and at peace with the world — like I finally belonged. I drank at every opportunity to get that feeling again. Through my school years and my teens, I drank whenever I could, and I experimented with drugs too, as the effect of those first few drinks became ever more elusive.

Throughout my life, every choice I made was about me — how I felt and what I thought was best for me. This set me off on a very seedy and hedonistic journey. In my early 20s, I joined a rock ’n’ roll band, playing 250 gigs around Europe every year, where the excessive lifestyle of alcohol, sex, and drugs was the norm. A few years later the band self-imploded. I tried to emulate what other people did: I got a job, got a girlfriend, got a house — but I soon lost it all due to my heavy drinking.

So I tried again. Another girl, another career, and so on. I was a gardener, a musician, a builder, a carer, and eventually worked abroad as an English teacher in China, Morocco, Slovakia, and Spain — all in a vain attempt to escape the grip that alcohol and drugs had on my life, but to no avail.

I washed back up on the shores of the UK in 2015 with an alcohol dependency far beyond my control. I had attempted to quit on many occasions and had brief periods of respite, but this time I simply couldn’t stop. I was at the end of my tether and even contemplated suicide. I contacted my local alcohol and drug service, and they suggested a detox and rehabilitation facility.

After the initial detoxification from all the substances I was physically dependent on, I began to feel a bit better. Weighing just 55kg, I started to eat again. But as quickly as my physical health improved, my mental health began to dive. I struggled to socialise. I felt restless, irritable, and discontented — just as I had when I was young, before I ever drank.

In the end, it became too much, and I did the only thing I knew would help: I took a drink. I was expelled from the rehabilitation facility and placed into a dry house, where I continued to drink, and eventually I became homeless. I genuinely thought the gates of hell had closed behind me.

This was when I first went to Alcoholics Anonymous, where I heard testimonies similar to the one you’re reading today, and stories of how people had escaped a life of misery. I was intrigued. I got myself a copy of the book, a sponsor, and began to work a 12-step program. I was amazed that simply by taking on a few suggestions — prayer, gratitude, and community spirit — the obsession to drink alcohol vanished.

I would love to say, “and they all lived happily ever after,” but I took my foot off the gas. I stopped going to meetings, stopped calling people, stopped working the program, and had a massive relapse. Thankfully, it didn’t kill me. I returned to the meetings with the knowledge that this would always happen if I didn’t continue to work the program.

That was four and a half years ago. Today, I know peace, contentment, and freedom. Alcohol has ceased to be a problem. I no longer have to avoid it. I enjoy going out with friends, to parties, and to gigs. My experiences — and my victory over alcohol — can now be of benefit to others.

If I were given a choice today, I would choose a sober life, because that is the true nature of living — the way to grow, learn, and experience life to its fullest.

 

Pete C 

Road to Recovery Group, Plymouth